


stay here honey i don’t wanna share

by hypocorism



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: BDSM, Bondage, Comeplay, Face-Sitting, Friends With Benefits, Genderbending, Genderplay, M/M, Magic, Offscreen Kink Negotiation, Oral Sex, PWP, Unprotected Sex, genderqueer demisexuality: an exegesis, see note for additional etc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 02:04:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20381860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypocorism/pseuds/hypocorism
Summary: just your standard ‘nicke wakes up with boobs and a vagina due to like a ?hockey curse? and the team witch person or whatever is like ‘sorry you just gotta wait for it to wear off’’ au





	stay here honey i don’t wanna share

**Author's Note:**

> I used gender tags for sorting/warning purposes but Nicke consistently uses/is referred to with he/him pronouns + this is more of a Magical Body Exploration fic than anything. An attempt has been made to minimize the cisnormative language but ymmv based on premise.
> 
> For the purposes of this fic, we’re assuming Nicke can’t get pregnant since the body sitch is short-term.
> 
> Idk if you like your porn with a soupçon of ‘but why CAN’T we just magically change our bodies at random’ and also ‘being ace-spec is confusing and makes relationships hard sometimes’, boy have I got the tale for you! It’s mostly porn tho.

The first two days, Nicke is mostly focused on the burgeoning chest situation. He’s both figuring out how to redistribute his weight, and pretending not to notice how incredibly carefully all the rookies are about looking at his face. It’s kind of funny, overall, because they’re all too scared of him to say anything, but they also go red and stutter whenever he’s walking around in a sports bra. The weight thing is a little tedious, Nicke isn’t used to his body changing so suddenly and he isn’t used to being quite so top-heavy, but he adjusts.

It’s after that that things start to get annoying.

—

Alex is trying very hard not to notice. It’s not like Nicke doesn’t know that Alex wants to fuck him, pretty much no matter how he looks. It’s not even like Nicke doesn’t know about Alex’s Thing for his chest, or like Nicke is incapable of extrapolating how very much of an issue things are becoming for Alex. Still, it seems wildly unprofessional to start sporting hard-ons in the locker room at this point, and he’s trying to set a good example. He thinks he’s mostly succeeding, although he may or may not have had to jerk off in his car a couple times in order to calm down enough to get home.

It’s not so much the new curves, although it’s also kind of those, so much as it is the change. It’s the idea that Nicke has this whole new body, all these new places for Alex to taste and press up against. He just, desperately, wants to get his hands and mouth all over him. (It’s also, maybe more than a little bit, the knowledge that he could make Nicke come so many more times like this, over and over again.)

But they’ve never been like that. Nicke, as far as Alex can tell, doesn’t want or need sex that often. And Alex is fine with that, is fine with letting Nicke be the one to call the shots. He lets Nicke come to him, and the intermittent sex is always good, and it’s pretty far down the list of things Alex would change about their relationship if he could. Definitely under spending the night, and being able to hold Nicke’s hand in public, and the stupid wish he can’t quite ever kill that Nicke will want him as more than just an occasional hook-up. It’s fine, they have hockey, and the team, and it’s fine.

But then, someone makes a stupid joke about getting Nicke off. And, it’s not like there’s anything that unusual, in his response, really. But his tone, “Like you’d even know what to do if I let you,” is sharper than Alex expects.

And then he can’t stop thinking about it. It works under his skin, the idea of Nicke sweaty and naked and touching himself, and unable to come, and he can’t stop thinking about it. It bothers him, both in the way it rockets him right past turned-on to desperate, and in a way that he isn’t entirely ready to fully examine. He can’t ever think about Nicke not getting what he wants without trying to get it for him. In a lot of ways, that’s the most difficult thing for Alex, when something Nicke wants is outside of his power to provide.

This, at least, he can do. Nicke might have only slept with the handful of men he’s dated, but Alex’s tastes are a little more omnivorous, and there’s nothing he loves like making someone come.

He’s going to think about it, try to figure out a way to phrase it, but in the end he’s dropping Nicke off after practice and it just slips out.

“If you can’t figure out how to jerk off like this, I can help you.”

“Are you serious?” Nicke says, in his flat, slightly disdainful way, but his eyes are thoughtful rather than dismissive, so Alex stays the course.

“Yeah. However you want.” Alex may or may not have had several lurid fantasies about the various ways he can help Nicke out, and when he says however, he truly means it.

Nicke raises an eyebrow. He leans against the car, curling his hand over the open window. “However I want?”

Fuck they’re still outside, in Nicke’s driveway, and Alex is already half-hard in his shorts. “Yeah,” Alex rasps. The tip of Nicke’s tongue darts out, wetting his lips.

“Come inside, then.” Nicke says, sounding almost indifferent as he turns to walk into the house, and Alex scrambles after him.

For all Nicke’s feigned nonchalance, he goes right to the bedroom, stripping off his clothes and leaving them in a pile in the corner. As much as Alex likes what they usually do, Nicke letting Alex undress him, slowly, folding his clothes as they go, he can’t deny the appeal of this.

Nicke tosses his sports bra into the corner as he sits in the middle of the bed, fully naked, and then lies down.

Alex gets a little closer but doesn’t get on the bed just yet. Nicke hasn’t told him what to do, or what he wants, so Alex just goes with the thing he keeps thinking about, what he wants the most. “I was going to eat you out, if that’s okay.”

Nicke kind of sighs and throws an arm over his face. “Fine. Get on with it.”

_Fuck_. Alex might need to come back to this, later. Nicke telling him what to do, like that, like he doesn’t even care. Like he knows Alex will obey him, directly.

Alex closes a gentle hand around Nicke’s ankle, waits until Nicke moves his arm out of the way to glare at him. He’s pink, all down to his chest, and the new tits are truly magnificent, and fuck Alex wants to _devour_ him.

“What,” Nicke snaps.

“We don’t have to do this, you know. I can go get you a vibrator or something.”

“I tried that already.” Nicke glares at Alex, as if this entire situation is his fault. Alex just smiles, rubs a thumb over his ankle bone. Nicke glares even more aggressively, and then sighs, tension leaking out of his body. “At least fucking sit on the bed and stop looming over me.”

Alex does. Nicke turns onto his side, and Alex valiantly keeps his eyes on Nicke’s face and not on the positively fascinating way his tits are bouncing and shifting, or the junction between his thighs. From Nicke’s pleased little smile, the sheer amount of effort this takes is more than obvious.

“I just don’t like not being able to take care of this myself,” Nicke says. “But I’m also miserable, and I do genuinely appreciate the offer, okay?”

“Okay,” Alex says. Nicke shifts again, opens his thighs a little.

“Are your moral scruples satisfied now? Can we get back to it?”

Alex smiles again, and kisses him on the nose, above the eye, on one of his cheekbones. Nicke laughs, and pulls him in for a proper kiss. Alex sighs, opening his mouth, reveling in the taste of Nicke, Nicke’s hands on his hips. Every time he gets to kiss Nicke, he’s torn between wanting to stay there forever and wanting to get closer. This is so good, though, Nicke bare under his hands, Nicke’s tongue against his, the little muffled sigh he lets out against Alex’s mouth.

Nicke pulls back long enough to tug Alex’s shirt over his head, and then kisses him again, one hand in Alex’s hair and the other rubbing over the waistband of his shorts. Nicke is so warm and lithe against him, their chests pressed together, that new unfamiliar softness mixing with the familiar taste of Nicke, the way he sounds. Alex’s brain goes loose and hot, focus narrowing to the hitch of Nicke’s breath, his fingers biting in to Alex’s hip as he tries to pull him closer. Fuck. Alex can’t help but grind up against his thigh a little. He’s so hard, and the one thin layer of fabric still between him and Nicke is somehow just making everything hotter, making Alex more desperate.

Nicke opens his legs, and Alex can feel how wet he is even through his shorts, and he makes an involuntary noise at that. Nicke smiles, nipping at his lip, and nudges at him with his ankles. Alex takes the hint, starts kissing down his chest. _I’ll come back for you_, he silently promises.

Alex starts slow, cataloguing the texture and taste and what makes Nicke squirm. He also teases, just a little, because he wants to see if Nicke can get even wetter. Not for long, though, because after a few minutes Nicke gets impatient.

“Fuck, I don’t need the,” he makes some kind of gesture, “I’ve been ready for days now.”

Alex nips at his thigh. “I’ve got you,” he says calmly, “just let me.”

“Fine,” Nicke grumbles.

Alex does speed up a little, partly because Nicke is so fucking responsive, and has his hands in Alex’s hair, and its taking all of Alex’s self control not to get a hand on himself. Nicke is always loud in bed, it’s one of Alex’s favorite things about sex with him, how vocal he is, but with how wound up he is and how long he’s been waiting…fuck.

Alex pulls away a little, and Nicke jerks at his hair and groans. “No, come on.”

“Mm,” Alex gets distracted briefly, biting at the same place on Nicke’s thigh, leaving a mark. “You want me to finger you a little, too?”

“I don’t know,” Nicke grumbles, tugging at Alex’s hair again just to be mean. Fuck, Alex loves when he does that. “You’re supposed to be the expert, here.”

Alex laughs. “Just, tell me if you don’t like it.”

“Fine,” Nicke says, impatient. Alex licks him for a little while to get him wound back up, wet and open-mouthed and messy, until Nicke is panting and arching up to meet him.

He slides one finger in, careful, and _fuck_ Nicke’s so wet. “Oh,” Nicke groans, and Alex refocuses on his clit, a little bit more pressure just to feel Nicke twitch around his fingers. “Yeah, yes.” He gets louder as Alex starts moving his hand a little, slipping in a second finger. “Oh, fuck,” Nicke's voice breaks on the moan. “Yes, keep going.”

Alex can’t stop rubbing off against the bed, because the noises Nicke is making are driving him crazy, and he’s so slick and hot and wet inside, and his thighs are shaking where they’re up around Alex’s shoulders, like they only do when he’s really, really close.

“Fuck, your hands,” Nicke squeezes around his fingers and he lets out this satisfied, quiet little sigh and Alex pushes in a little harder, lets Nicke grind down against his face. Nicke is all he can smell and hear and taste, and Alex wants to stay here forever.

“Oh, fuck, finally,” Nicke sighs, in such a perfectly Nicke fashion, and then he’s coming, digging his heels into Alex’s back and flooding his mouth, and it’s so fucking hot that Alex comes in his shorts without even getting a hand on his cock.

He can’t bring himself to stop. Nicke is squirmy and sensitive and keeps wriggling around, but also won’t push him off, and Alex gives his clit one final lick and pulls back a little.

“Think you can go again?” he asks, and doesn’t wait for an answer before going back in.

“Fuck,” Nicke says, pulling his hair a little but not in any particular direction. “I don’t know.”

“Want me to stop?” Alex asks, still mostly up against Nicke. Nicke moans and shivers, and Alex really really hopes Nicke doesn’t want him to stop. He wants to make Nicke come again, and again, and again.

“No,” Nicke says, cupping the back of Alex’s head. “No, keep going.”

Alex happily complies.

By the time Nicke comes two more times, Alex is hard again. Fuck, Nicke has a filthy mouth when Alex can’t talk back, and he knows exactly what he’s doing with it.

Nicke does push him off, then, and gets a hand on Alex’s cock. He raises an eyebrow, when he feels how Alex’s shorts are soaked, and Alex bites down on a moan.

“Enjoyed yourself, did you?” Nicke asks, dryly. Which really isn’t fair, because Nicke knows how much Alex loves making him come, and how much he loves when Nicke is a little mean.

“Yeah,” Alex groans, pressing into his hand. He’s so close, already, and Nicke’s hand feels like-

“Do you want to come on my tits?” Nicke asks, and that shoves Alex right over the edge.

—-

Alex expects it will be a one-off. They have less than a week left, before things will get back to normal, and while Nicke is not exactly predictable about how often he wants sex, more than once a week is unusual.

That’s fine, more than fine. Nicke is used enough to the new body to be an absolute menace on the ice, and he has the sort of pleased glow he always gets when he’s mastering a new set of skills and defying expectations in the process. It’s hot, and Alex has maybe more than a few fantasies about dropping to his knees for Nicke in the locker room. That’s hardly new, though. He’s thought about Nicke every time he’s come for the past four years, now.

It’s not even two days later when Nicke texts him, _come over_.

Just that, and he's ready to go, already chubbing up in his shorts.

Nicke answers the door in a slouchy too-big sweater, slipping down to reveal a bare shoulder, and boxers. Maybe one day, Alex will be able to look at Nicke without feeling like he’s been punched in the solar plexus, but today is not that day.

“I want to try something,” Nicke says, wandering into the kitchen and not looking to see if Alex is following him.

“Oh?” Alex asks. He doesn’t try to anticipate what Nicke will say, because his brain is already shutting down a little with the knowledge that he’s about to get to touch him. In his mind, he’s on his knees already.

“I want to ride you,” Nicke says, half-turning back toward Alex, and Alex nearly trips over his own feet. Nicke laughs at whatever his face is doing. “Yeah, you like that idea?” Nicke teases. “Like me on top of you?” Alex pushes him back against the wall and kisses him. (And then, on his knees, because he just has to taste him, until Nicke pushes him away and tells him to go get on the bed).

Alex is a sucker for Nicke riding him. Alex is, admittedly, a sucker for Nicke doing just about anything. But watching his thighs work, the way his hair gets loose and sweaty around his head, having Nicke tight and slick around his cock, yeah Alex likes that. He likes that a lot.

Nicke doesn’t always let him touch. Sometimes, if he’s feeling particularly mean, he ties Alex’s hands to the headboard, even though Alex doesn’t need the extra restraints to be obedient. Nicke likes that though, likes to tie Alex up and then run his hands all over himself: his nipples, his thighs, his ass, his cock.

“Isn’t looking enough for you,” Nicke will say, squeezing around his cock and then grinding down, slow. And the problem is, it is, it absolutely is, but if he can hold out until Nicke either comes, or gets bored and wants to be fucked hard and fast, then he can touch, and so he always waits.

Nicke lets Alex undress him this time, pushing him back on the bed once they’re both naked. Alex is on his back, and Nicke crawls on top of him, kisses him hard. Alex opens his mouth but Nicke just nips at his lip, pulling away to lean over to the side table. Alex puts his hands on Nicke’s hips, making sure he doesn’t fall.

“Just in case,” Nicke says, squeezing the lube out into one hand and slicking up Alex’s cock. Alex whines, tries not to buck up. “Hold still,” Nicke scolds, hand already gone. It abruptly gets much harder to hold still, though, because Nicke is slipping a finger inside himself, pressing down. He closes his eyes, sighing a little in pleasure, and Alex fists his hands in the sheets so he doesn’t give in to the temptation to touch.

“I can do that,” Alex tries. Nicke laughs, opening his eyes.

“Yes, and you’ll insist on taking forever.”

“Just want you to be comfortable,” Alex says, sneaking his hands back up onto Nicke’s hips. Nicke rolls his eyes, but doesn’t push him away. He adds a little more lube and another finger, and Alex gives up on not staring at where Nicke’s hand is working in and out of his body.

Nicke decides he’s had enough prep and sinks down onto Alex’s cock. Alex fully intends to keep his eyes open, to watch Nicke’s face for any signs of discomfort, but fuck, it feels so good. He loves sex with Nicke. He loves being inside him, Nicke being inside Alex, pressing up against him, any of it, all of it. And this is different, and new, but also still Nicke, and fuck he loves sex with Nicke.

Nicke hums thoughtfully, tilting his hips forward a little in adjustment. This puts his tits right up next to Alex’s mouth, and Alex cannot resist even though he knows Nicke will probably smack him for it. Nicke likes having his nipples played with, but Alex likes playing with them more, and so it’s something Nicke only lets him do sometimes, as a reward. Alex takes one of Nicke’s nipples in his mouth, licking over it and nipping, gentle.

“Fuck,” Nicke’s hips jerk as he falls forward a little. “Oh.”

Alex mouths along the side of one breast. “Feel different?”

“Go back,” Nicke says, annoyed. Alex laughs, kissing the dip between his breasts, and obeys.

Nicke, it turns out, really really likes the new tits being played with. He’s almost writhing on top of Alex, pushing up into his mouth and then down onto his dick. He’s so sensitive, and when Alex pinches one nipple while sucking on the other he practically wails.

Fucking Nicke is overwhelming, in symphony, because all of it individually is enough. Just looking at him, just hearing the sounds he makes, just the way he tastes, the feel of his skin, even just the weight of him in Alex’s mouth, each part of it is like the best and most indulgent porn Alex can imagine. And, all of it together?

But making Nicke come is his favorite, and the thing that gets him going harder and faster than anything else, and so Alex might have a little bit of a one-track mind when it comes to sex.

“Lean back a little,” Alex pants, when Nicke’s thighs are shaking and he’s quieted down to the whimpering gasps he makes when he’s concentrating on an impending orgasm. It’s a sign of how close Nicke is to coming that he doesn’t argue, just leans back far enough that Alex can get a hand on his clit.

Nicke comes around him a handful of seconds later, shivering and moaning and raking his nails down Alex’s chest, and it feels so good Alex’s brain just goes entirely offline.

“Oh,” Nicke sighs, arching his back. “That was good. You can come now.”

Alex moans, thrusts up, one, two, three more times, and does.

—-

The message comes about ten minutes after Alex gets home. Nicke is on whatever the hockey curse equivalent of IR is for the next three days, and he’d happily exploited the excuse of none of his suits fitting properly right now to avoid the press box. Alex assumes he watched the game, but it feels a little needy to text your linemate of many years and occasional fuckbuddy for validation on your play, so he doesn’t.

Alex’s body is loose and thrumming and tired, the way it only gets after a good hard game, and he’s just about ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep when his phone buzzes.

It’s a text from Nicke.

_You played well tonight, I think you deserve this. Listen to it tonight, and if you don’t do anything about it until tomorrow I’ll give you a reward_, and then an audio file.

Alex swallows, no longer quite so tired, and hits play.

_Fuck_, Nicke says on the recording, and it’s obvious, immediately, what he’s doing. _Finally,_ a half-swallowed moan, _figured this out._ A sharp gasp, and then a sigh. _It’s not as good as your mouth though, your hands, your cock.___

It’s just noise, then, for a good twenty seconds, and Alex has to sit on his hands so he doesn’t give in to the temptation to touch.

_ __Remember our first time?_ __Nicke asks.

The first time they kissed, approximately ten minutes before the first time they fucked. It was sweet, at first, because they had just had dinner and Alex was a tiny bit stupidly pleased with himself. He’d found a dessert Nicke really likes, and he brought it out with a little smile and- it was nothing really. It wasn’t a birthday, or game night, it was just dinner, and just Alex being Alex, but Nicke had taken the plate from him and set it on the counter and then kissed him.

So it was sweet, at first, but then it turned hungry, and fast, and into grinding and wandering hands and Nicke’s pants barely pushed down to his thighs, and the two of them so desperate to get at each other, Alex’s hand a little too dry around Nicke’s cock but so fucking good, Nicke stifling moans in Alex’s mouth, biting his lip. Fast, and desperate, because they’d both been waiting for so, so long.

_Remember that, baby?_ Nicke says, and then, a gasp, and he’s coming, and oh fuck this might be the meanest thing he’s ever done.

Alex thumbs open his phone, hands shaking. He snaps a picture of his cock, hard and leaking from nothing more than the sounds of Nicke getting himself off.

_ Look what you did_, he types, sending it and the picture to Nicke.

Nicke sends back a selfie, him in pajamas, rumpled and laughing with his hair in his face. Somehow that tests Alex’s self control more than everything else.

But Alex is nothing if not a sucker for Nicke, so he resigns himself to falling asleep with a rampaging hard-on, and resolutely does not think about whatever the threatened surprise might be.

—-

The next day at practice, Nicke changes into one of Alex’s jerseys after he showers, and Alex very nearly walks into a wall.

They barely make it in the door to Alex’s house, Nicke wound up just as much as Alex is and with no intention of slowing things down.

“Fuck,” Nicke pants, while Alex pushes the jersey out of the way far enough to suck a mark over his collarbone, “I’ve been wet since halfway through practice thinking about you hard and ready for me. Please just get naked.”

They make it to the couch, barely, Alex peeling off Nicke’s leggings one handed while Nicke tries to wiggle out of them without stopping kissing him.

“You want on top or not?” Alex asks.

“Mmm no.” Nicke spreads his legs. “Fuck me hard. Want to feel it.”

“My reward is you get to be lazy?” Alex asks, teasing, because fuck if doing whatever he can to make Nicke feel good isn’t the best reward he can imagine, and Nicke grins up at him, hair tangled against the cushions of the couch.

“I’m not even going to dignify-” and Alex can’t be not kissing him any more.

Alex manages to get his pants mostly off, before Nicke gets a hand on him and he forgets what he’s doing in favor of thrusting into Nicke’s hand. Nicke lets him, for a second, and then he’s guiding Alex to his entrance and Alex is pushing in.

“Fuck,” Alex gasps.

“Yeah.” Nicke gets impatient with Alex’s shirt, yanks it up and over his head. Alex isn’t moving, head still fucking spinning because he’s trying to not just. Look Alex can last a long time, he can, with Nicke even, but he’s been wound up since last night and he’s just trying to get a little bit of composure.

Nicke gets impatient with this, too, and rakes his nails down Alex’s back, and Alex whimpers and starts moving his hips a little, automatic.

Nicke pulls him in close. “Hard,” he says, and nips at Alex’s ear, so Alex complies.

He shifts a little, trying to find a position where he can get enough leverage to fuck Nicke as hard as he wants, and still have a hand free to get on Nicke’s clit if he needs that. Nicke wraps his legs around Alex’s hips, pressing his hands up against the armrest of the couch and arching up to meet Alex’s thrusts.

“Thought about this, too,” Nicke says, voice loose and a little slurry the way it only gets when he’s being fucked good and hard. “When I was touching myself.”

“Fuck,” Alex says. Nicke gets a hand on the back of his neck, pulls him in for a kiss. “I’m not,” Alex pants, when Nicke releases him. “Not gonna last, sorry Nicke.” Nicke is still arching up to meet him, clenching around him, body bowed and humming with pleasure.

“It got you that hot?” Nicke asks, a mean little smile, and Alex’s hips go faster without his conscious permission. Nicke is so hot, all the time, but he’s so hot like this, on his back and pleased with his own power. Alex just wants to come all over him. He wishes he could see his name stretched across Nicke’s back, but just knowing it’s there…

“Yeah,” Alex moans, helpless. “Couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“What about me?” Nicke has his hands on Alex’s ass and has slowed the pace a little. Alex grinds in, deep and hard.

“Everything about you,” he rambles, lust-drunk. “Your body. Both bodies. The noises you make. Your hockey.” Nicke laughs, but his hands get tighter. “That first time, do you know how many times I’ve thought about that?”

Nicke’s eyes are dark, and hot, and Alex is drowning in them. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Alex says. “Best sex of my life.”

Nicke laughs, and Alex can feel it. “I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted, considering.”

“Flattered,” Alex presses his face into Nicke’s shoulder. “Always the best sex with you.” Nicke twitches around him, and Alex groans. He’s so close, fuck.

Nicke smacks his ass, and Alex whines helplessly, rutting forward. “Come on. Fuck me hard. Come in me.” Alex is tempted to ask, are you sure, because usually Nicke likes to make him wait, but Nicke wouldn’t have said it if he wasn’t sure.

So Alex lets himself go, focusing on the tight wet heat of Nicke around his cock, the solid bulk of Nicke’s body under his, Nicke’s breath on his shoulder, Nicke’s nails digging into his ass. His world tunnels down to that last final thrust, and then he’s coming, pleasure blooming across all his senses as he shakes apart in Nicke’s arms

“Mm, fuck,” Nicke says against his temple. “Good,” he says, squeezing down, “now clean me up.”

Alex makes some kind of incoherent noise where his face is mashed into Nicke’s collarbone, cock giving a final twitch. As much as he loves marking Nicke up, biting him, bruising him, getting him all flushed up and pink, coming on him, in him, he might like this even more.

Alex pulls out carefully, and then he’s moving down Nicke’s body, eager. Nicke is hot and swollen from his cock, and Alex slides two fingers right in, licking up the come slipping out over his fingers. Nicke spreads his legs wider, thrusting up a little against Alex’s mouth.

“Yeah,” Nicke sighs, blissful. “Fuck, this is exactly what I wanted, baby. You’re so good.”

Alex’s body sings with the praise. Nicke likes, sometimes, getting a little sore, letting Alex wind him up and then back down. He’s hot and wet under Alex’s mouth, slick and throbbing where Alex’s fingers press up into him. Nicke comes and comes and comes, letting Alex keep at it, wring it out of him, over and over until he’s finally spent and collapses back into the couch cushions.

“Fuck,” Nicke sighs, boneless. “I’m going to miss being able to come so many times in a row.” One leg has slid down off the edge of the couch and the other is flung up over the back, and there’s essentially no space for Alex to fit.

He climbs on top of Nicke anyway, because Alex always wants to make out a little after he comes, loves when Nicke is all loose and satisfied, and can’t stop smiling.

“Mmm,” Nicke sighs, wiggling a little. “We should move to the bedroom. This couch isn’t big enough.”

“Okay,” Alex says. Nicke isn’t really that much smaller, like this, but Alex still picks him up and carries him to the bedroom, Nicke laughing the whole way.

—-

That first time was years ago, now, and Alex hasn’t slept with anyone else since.

Nicke hadn’t asked for that, just told Alex to let him know if they needed to go back to using condoms.

“Okay,” Alex had said, because at that point it had been six months and he already knew, he didn’t want to be with anyone else. He didn’t need six months, really. He needed a week, and being drunk and lonely and out without Nicke. He was tempted, briefly. Not by anyone in particular. Not even by sex, generally. Just because he had thought, maybe, it would make him less easy for Nicke, specifically. Less desperate to be with him, all the time.

That was a lost cause a long time before they slept together, though, and contemplating the possibility of being with anyone else just felt hollow and pointless. It felt sour, and the knowledge that, well, at least Nicke isn’t sleeping with anyone else, so comparatively sweet, that the temptation had evaporated.

It’s been years and Alex still doesn’t know whether the sex brings them closer together or is just another way for Nicke to hold him at a distance. He doesn’t think Nicke knows, how deeply and how painfully Alex is in love with him. Nicke is not cruel, not really, and if he knew how much it hurts Alex to have pieces of him and not him entirely, Alex is sure he would pull away. That is why Alex is careful to not let him know.

He doesn’t know exactly what Nicke gets out of their arrangement. He doesn’t know if Nicke is simply using him as a placeholder until something better comes along. He knows, from Nicke’s sparse dating history that Alex was always careful not to look too closely at, both that Nicke likes some things about being in a relationship, and that Nicke dislikes a lot of things about being in a relationship. But they never talked about any of the men Nicke dated, or how quickly and how thoroughly they disappeared from his life, so Alex does not know, precisely, the details of these likes and dislikes.

He never knows what Nicke is going to give him, or ask from him, but Alex realized a long time ago that he’s going to be there offering, anyway.

—-

_ __last night, probably_ __Nicke texts him, just before it’s late enough that Alex thinks he’s not going to. They don’t know when, exactly, Nicke is going to change back, probably either at midnight or when he wakes up tomorrow. _want to try something?_

on the way, Alex texts back.

“Want something to drink?” Nicke asks when Alex gets there, so Alex knows it’s going to be one of those nights. Nights when Nicke moves slow, makes Alex wait. Alex shivers a little in anticipation.

“Sure,” he says.

They sit in Nicke’s living room, watching a movie with the volume turned down. Nicke is cross-legged, his hair tied up, and drinking a glass of wine, and Alex is only really putting the barest amount of effort into the pretense that he’s looking at the screen. He wonders what Nicke would do, if Alex knelt next to him, put his head on Nicke’s thigh.

“You’re staring,” Nicke says, taking a sip of his wine.

“I like your hair like that,” Alex says. Nicke glances over at him. Alex isn’t sure what Nicke sees, but he gets this look. The same look he had the first time he asked Alex if he could hold his wrists down while he fucked him.

Nicke makes him wait, an indeterminate amount of movie and three sips, and then he stands and walks over to Alex. He nudges Alex’s legs farther apart, steps between them, puts his finger on Alex’s chin and tilts his head up. Nicke leans down slowly and kisses him, with a thorough deliberation that has Alex squirming and pressing up against him.

Nicke pulls away and Alex tries to follow him, but Nicke drops his hands onto Alex’s shoulders, heavy. “Go upstairs and get undressed, lie on the bed,” Nicke says. It’s an order, but he doesn’t move away immediately. He looks down at Alex, waiting for his nod, and then smiles.

Alex tilts his face up, pleading, and Nicke obliges by kissing him again. This time when he pulls back, he steps away entirely, gesturing at Alex to get up. “Go upstairs. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Nicke doesn’t make him wait long. Alex is already hard, just thinking about what Nicke might do to him, but when Nicke comes in carrying rope, he gets even harder, breathing quickening. He puts his hands up above his head, slides down the bed a little.

Nicke is still fully dressed when he ties Alex’s hands to the headboard. “Okay?” he asks, checking the tightness of the ties. Alex can feel the warmth of him, where he’s sitting just above Alex’s cock. Alex is flat on his back, hands tied, at Nicke’s mercy, and there’s nowhere he’d rather be.

“Yeah,” he says.

Alex watches with ravenous eyes as Nicke undresses, the slow, tantalizing reveal of skin, helpless to do anything but look. Whatever Alex does or does not do from here, it will be Nicke’s choice.

Sometimes Alex just wants Nicke to _use _him, to treat him like a toy, a tool. That’s, it’s always good, with Nicke, but when Alex is helpless and Nicke is using him to chase his pleasure, that gets Alex into…he doesn’t even know how to describe it. Just a sort of bottomless floating bliss, better than anything he’s ever felt. It’s not the objectification, exactly. It’s not even that he likes when Nicke tells him what to do, makes him do what Nicke wants, although he does. It’s something like, he likes, his body being the medium between Nicke’s desire and Nicke’s fulfillment of that desire. He likes, not just being a tool for Nicke to use, not just that Nicke uses him, but that he is the favorite, the beloved object. The best at service, at giving Nicke what he wants.

He can feel himself slipping down into that bliss, already, when Nicke climbs on top of him. He’s wet, pressing down against Alex’s abs, and Alex’s eyes roll back at the sensation of it. Nicke kisses him, grinding down against him, pressing him down into the bed.

And then, slowly, he slides his body up along Alex’s, until he’s wet and dripping a few inches from Alex’s face. Alex cranes his neck, eager, but Nicke tilts his hips back. Alex whines. He should have waited, he knows he’s supposed to wait, but it’s getting harder and harder to think, to do anything but feel endless and full of desire.

“Beg,” Nicke says, quiet and firm, and Alex will, Alex does, happily.

“Please, Nicke. Please let me taste. Wanna make you come. Please, please.”

“Good,” Nicke says, and then he’s settling over Alex’s mouth, and Alex moans from the bliss of it. He works his jaw and his tongue as best he can, but like this, Nicke has control of most of it. The angle he wants, how much pressure Alex can give him, and from where.

Alex sort of wishes Nicke would be rougher with him, smother him, almost, settle over his mouth and nose until he can’t breathe or smell or taste anything but Nicke. Nicke is careful, though, and slow, letting Alex lick over him and then grinding down against his face. Alex started moaning, at some point, and can’t seem to stop. Nicke keeps teasing him, moving his hips up and making Alex chase him, and then pulling Alex back down by the hair.

Alex loses track of time completely, like he always does when Nicke ties him up. He’s just the cycle of Nicke settling over him, pulling back, the ache in his jaw, the taste, sticky and running down his mouth, his neck, the feel of the rope holding him in place, his hands clutching desperately at the headboard.

Nicke comes eventually, and Alex groans and laps up the gush of wetness. His head is swimming with how good it is; his body at Nicke’s disposal, the evidence of Nicke’s arousal, his pleasure. He is nothing but clay in Nicke’s hands.

Nicke touches him after, light, teasing touches all over his body, and Alex shivers and holds himself still and lets him. Nicke’s face is serious, and Alex is drowning under his singleminded focus, Nicke winding him tighter and tighter.

Nicke runs a finger down the length of his cock and Alex jerks and moans. And, oh, he could, he could, but Nicke hasn’t given him permission yet, so he presses his hips down against the bed.

“Good,” Nicke says, and smiles down at him, and Alex bares his throat, his wrists, begging with every line of his body for anything Nicke will give him. Nicke looks away, at something across the room, and Alex whines at the loss of his attention. “You’re okay,” Nicke says, looking back at Alex. He settles down again, sitting on Alex’s stomach with most of his weight on either side of Alex’s body, and Alex settles with him. “It’s almost time.”

“Time?” Alex asks. He has no idea what Nicke is talking about, but Nicke is smiling and running his hands over Alex’s body so it must be okay. Alex smiles back at him, tension melting away as he lets himself go limp.

Nicke shivers, arching, and his body seems to turn strange and moldable for a moment. Alex wants to press his hands in; they twitch and grab at nothing where they’re tied. But then Nicke is settling into Nicke, again, breasts gone and cock sliding through his own wetness on Alex’s stomach. Nicke hums, thoughtful, running his hands over his own body.

“Nicke, please,” Alex begs. “Please let me touch you.” It’s all he wants, all he can think about, and Nicke is smiling and untying him and Alex moans out his gratitude.

He keeps his hands still, eager and quivering, for another few seconds, and is rewarded by Nicke saying, “You can touch, now.”

Alex’s hands shake running up Nicke’s sides, re-learning the soft muscle and curve of them, Nicke’s chest, still lush, still beautiful. Alex mouths at one of his nipples and Nicke lets him, cradling the back of Alex’s head with one hand. Nicke’s ass, firm and round, his cock, hard and throbbing. He twitches in Alex’s hand, moaning, but then pushes it away.

“Sit up,” Nicke says, moving back and helping him up. He puts Alex where he wants him, propped against the headboard, and then kneels in front of him. Alex looks at Nicke’s swollen cock, red and leaking a little, and licks his lips.

“Please,” he whispers, fervent. Nicke’s hands are on his face, Nicke is kissing him, and then Nicke is moving back, feeding Alex his cock slowly, and Alex relaxes his jaw and clutches at Nicke.

Nicke fucks his face, slow and careful, and Alex moans around him. The weight of Nicke in his mouth, Nicke letting him touch, put his hands on Nicke’s hips, his thighs. Alex closes his eyes and lets his world narrow down to Nicke’s cock, Nicke’s thighs, Nicke’s hands on his shoulders, Nicke saying his name, over and over, how good he is, how good Alex is making him feel.

Nicke comes, shaking and silent, and Alex swallows it down eagerly.

“Look at you,” Nicke whispers, thumb on Alex’s swollen mouth. Alex’s face is a mess, covered in the residue of Nicke’s two releases. He’s floaty, and he’s been so hard for so long, and he feels like there is something important about Nicke’s face, about the way Nicke is looking at him, but it keeps drifting away.

And then Nicke is telling him, again, how good he is, how good Alex is for him, and Alex is disintegrating into light, into noise, into the rasp of Nicke’s calloused hands on his body.

Nicke moves him onto his side, and curls up around him, and Alex falls asleep safe in the returned familiarity of Nicke’s body against his.

—-

Alex wakes in the dark, disoriented. It feels like he’s slept a long time, but he can’t see the sun streaming in the windows.

_ __I’m still at Nicke’s_, __he realizes after a few seconds. He goes over and opens the curtains, squinting at the sunlight pouring into the room. He doesn’t see Nicke but Nicke must be here, somewhere. It’s his house, after all.

It’s the first time he’s spent the night, and he doesn’t know how to feel about that. It’s cowardly, maybe, but part of him wants to just stay in this moment. Alone and confused in Nicke’s bedroom, but not disappointed, not yet.

He wants more, though, to see Nicke, to know what he’s thinking, so he pulls on some boxers and goes downstairs.

Nicke is in the kitchen, poking at a frying egg. He’s clean, hair soft and wavy and freshly dry, in sweats and a t-shirt. Alex feels a little conscious of his own need of a shower, and a little like he wants to press himself all up along Nicke’s back and never let him go.

“Breakfast is almost ready,” Nicke tells him, looking over his shoulder.

“Anything I can do?” Alex asks, clearing his throat at the rasp of his voice.

“Silverware and plates,” Nicke says.

This, at least, moving around each other, eating together, is familiar enough, and Alex feels a little clearer after he’s had food, and coffee. He leans back in his chair, sipping at his second cup, full and content, for the moment.

It’s not a very long moment.

Nicke clears his throat a little, sitting forward in his chair, and Alex looks at him.

“The sex might be intermittent again, after this,” Nicke says.

Alex blinks at him, brain trying to catch up. “Okay,” he says, and it’s half a question because he doesn’t understand what the relevance is.

Nicke frowns, tapping his fingers on the table. “If that’s a problem, you can always sleep with someone else.”

Alex’s stomach twists, sour, and he sets his coffee down. “Nicke, what the fuck,” he says, blankly, so shocked and hurt that he reacts without thinking.

Nicke’s frown deepens. “I don’t,” he starts, and then stops. “I don’t want you to feel trapped by me, you know that.”

What the fuck, Alex thinks again. “What are you talking about?” Alex asks, hesitant and wary. Sometimes Nicke only needs himself to start a two-person argument, and you have to be careful what you say.

“I haven’t asked you for,” Nicke waves a hand, “fidelity. Monogamy. Whatever you-”

“I know you haven’t,” Alex cuts in. He feels sick, and so, so stupid. “You don’t want a relationship, I know that, okay? Just let me shower and I’ll get out of your way.” He pushes his chair back, gets almost all the way to the stairs.

“What do you mean, I don’t want a relationship?” Nicke says. It’s not very loud. It stops Alex, anyway.

Alex turns around, but keeps the distance of ten or so feet. He thinks he might need it. “I don’t know, Nicke,” he says tiredly. “I don’t know what you want.”

“What does that mean,” Nicke snaps.

“I love you,” Alex sort-of almost yells. “I don’t know what you want from me! I just want to make you happy, whatever that means. I just want to be with you, whatever that means.” It’s a relief, getting it out there, all the unspoken weight of the past three years, ten years. It’s a relief, but Alex does not particularly expect the utter shock that washes across Nicke’s face. “I thought you knew that,” Alex says, because he did. Maybe that Nicke didn’t fully want to acknowledge it, maybe that Nicke didn’t realize quite how deep in Alex was, but the bulk of it, he thought Nicke could see the shadow that cast across them.

“What?” Nicke’s voice is thin and crumbling.

“You knew that,” Alex says again, in spite of the fact that it is obvious now that Nicke did not know that.

“I didn’t.” Nicke is staring at Alex like he’s never seen him before and Alex shifts, uncomfortable under his gaze. He’s still tacky with Nicke’s come, for fucks’s sake, wrists sore from jerking against the rope.

“Well, now you do,” he says finally.

“I thought you wanted to keep things casual,” Nicke says.

“You’re the one who always leaves,” Alex points out. “You’ve never even let me stay the night before.”

“I just,” Nicke sounds small, and uncertain, and Alex hates that he still, stupidly, wants to comfort him. Even in this. He’d probably kiss Nicke’s hands if they held a knife to his throat. “I thought that would be easier.”

Alex swallows, looking away, down. “I just want whatever you’ll give me, Nicke.”

“That isn’t fair,” Nicke says. “You deserve better than that.”

“Better than what?” Alex asks blankly. Because, even now, he can’t imagine that. He can’t imagine wanting more than Nicke.

“Better than,” Nicke hesitates, and then apparently decides to be honest, “If we were together, if you were spending the night here, I wouldn’t want to share you with anyone else.”

“I’m not with anyone else,” Alex says.

Nicke sighs. “Not right now.”

“Not for three years, Nicke,” Alex points out. “What, you think I’m going to suddenly get bored?”

“I don’t know,” Nicke says, and he sounds so twisted up about it that Alex can’t even reach hurt because he’s so mired in feeling sorry for him. “I never know how often I’m going to want sex, or how long I’ll go in between times.”

“So?” Alex says. That’s not new, that’s how it’s always been.

“What if I never do again?” Nicke says. “What if something changes.”

“Then we don’t have sex,” Alex says. “Is that,” he’s drifting closer, because Nicke is so far away, and Alex has never been able to resist his gravity for long. “Is that it, Nicke? Is that the only reason?”

“Isn’t that enough?” Nicke asks. He’s holding so still, like a bird caught in a snare.

“I still want to be with you,” Alex says. “I don’t want anyone else.” He’s so close, now, he could reach out and touch Nicke, but he doesn’t. He just puts his body there, and lets Nicke maneuver into him, same as he’s always done.

“You love sex,” Nicke points out, his hand drifting to rest on Alex’s chest.

“I love you more,” Alex says.

“I still don’t think it’s fair,” Nicke says, and both his hands are on Alex now, and it settles something humming and happy in the back of Alex’s brain. “I don’t want you to give things up for me.”

“It’s not giving anything up.” Alex tries to explain, because he wants Nicke to understand this. “I like making you feel good, Nicke. I like making you happy. That’s what I’ve missed, you know? Being able to hold your hand, and sleep in the same bed with you. Being able to tell you I love you, to kiss you, to-” Alex falters, because Nicke is looking at him, wide open and yearning. “I love you so much,” Alex says. “I just want to be able to tell you that, however you want it.”

“Come here,” Nicke says, pulling Alex’s head down so, so gently, and kissing him.


End file.
